Charlatans' Jon Brookes Speaks About His Tumour

The Charlatans' drummer Jon Brookes, who was diagnosed with a brain tumour after collapsing on stage in Philadelphia, has spoken candidly in a blog on the band's website about the moment he collapsed, the resulting treatment he recieved, and the "darkest black hole tempting me into its featureless perpetual void".

In the moving blog, Brookes describes the sensations he felt on stage prior to his collapse, wonders at the swift medical treatment he received, and expresses heartfelt thanks to everyone that's shown their love and support.

Read the blog in full below:

Phily Del Fear

As I start this blog I have the most curious desire to have a mischievous swipe at time. Life, destiny, fate and the odds of life giving you a double dose of diabolical luck.

But the only thing I can think of is the need to foster and nurture the future, surround it and protect it with all the good stuff we carry in the way of excess mental baggage.

Juxtaposition is not a word which is easily squeezed into life’s patchwork of possibilities, but as I sit in the middle of the mother of all seesaws I have the darkest blackest hole tempting me into its featureless perpetual void, where no sounds come and no souls stir. A place of my minds creation, which lives off its own power source. An energy farm of fear, a place that is bursting with confused thoughts and random outpourings of negative misleading ideas. A tricky place to navigate at the best of times but to be cast into its depths weakened and disabled and confused is not a choice I am willing undertake. I believe evolution has granted me mental freewill and I edge towards the light and my own truth!!!

When I first saw those strange lights in the corner of my eyes at the start of the set in Philadelphia little was I to know that the brain tumour several centimetres across was starting to emit it´s electrical impulses across the bottom halve of the right hand side of my brain… and after asking for sound levels to be lowered on stage I continued to play the set, but was already hopelessly out of time and disorientated and on a different song from the set list and rest of the band, the count down to disorder had begun. Strange feelings of floating quickly replaced by violent head movements engulfed me. Then I was approached by strangely familiar faces asking me what was wrong but, I couldn’t speak, my mouth wired tight by lockjaw and panic spreading across my frozen body, the first seizure had begun and was in full affect.

Time and it´s measurement in drum beats and rhythms and my ability to manoeuvre it/them relative to melody and a musical pre-determined arrangement have been my life’s work. I have also compulsively and deliberately played every concert like its my last, but as this night came crashing down around me I felt a stillness in the room like never before, a visitor in my own world… my memory is patchy but I can still hear the screams of my own voice echoing out as I felt hands struggle to hold me still as I was attended to by friends and paramedics alike. The blessing is that I don’t have enough recollection to be totally freaked out by the first seizure/event. And I can only feel sorry for my dear friends who had to witness such a painful display.

I was eventually brought under control and went to the nearest hospital where it was quickly discovered that another seizure was imminent and a neurological centre was the only option. It is now that I can fill in the later stages of that night, I was never frightened or concerned about my fate in as much as I knew death was not in attendance at any point I saw no flash backs and had strong feelings of being amongst special caring people. They had a beautiful and serine calm which washed over me as I began to answer their questions and let myself be submitted to their scientific tests which seemed to involve me lying on moving platforms then entering giant polo mints…whilst offering up my arms to be pricked and probed for blood and vital signs.

The blessed relief came early on the morning of the 16th when morphine was introduced to my bloodstream to ease the muscle cramps and tears and strains of the previous nights violent struggle. At last I had time to stop and listen to my own heartbeat and the pulse that throbbed in my temple, and to grow accustomed to the hospital clothing with its random gaping, unfasten able trap doors!

The hospital was a 16-floor university campus, specialising in neuro-medicine. And I found myself attending lecture theatres filled with new students eager to investigate the new patient. It was at this point I had the first of several amazing epiphanies. I began to realise the absolute interdependence of shared knowledge and the pure brilliance of energies exchanged in order to investigate the chaos which to most of us is unfathomable in such alien environments and medical situations. I had become besieged with messages of good will from every direction, family, fans, friends, colleagues, strangers, hospital co-workers and nurses. Baskets of fruit began to appear, comfortable clothing was hastily packed into empty bedside tables all sent with love and concern. I knew that I was not alone and at the foot of my bed, my fellow band members and road crew sat looking at me with disbelief and sly grins from time to time, I began to feel life was still within my grasp and thought about the option given to me by Joseph V.Queenan, MD ’head of neuro surgery’ Hahnemann University Hospital, Philadelphia …"we have located the tumour Mrs Brookes and are ready to take it out".

I knew cancer was the main diagnoses but still had to undergo a spinal tap to dismiss any other type of absyss…my feelings were given over to the logistics of the immediate surgery, I had to have my wife and kids with me in the States for the post opp’ after treatment of chemotherapy and radiology. I decided to make the journey home…not knowing who would help me when I stepped of the plane, I became over run with doubt and confusion… I travelled home heavily sedated with Tony Rogers and a Dr to escort me in case of more seizures.

I want to try and explain to anyone who is interested, the amazing power of ‘positive thought’ and love and light, which can be transmitted across vast amounts of time and space by everyone who wishes to try. I began to feel a portal open up inside my soul, and a feeling of wellbeing charge through me, reaching a pinnacle of absolute meltdown and relief when I received a phone call from my dear friend Ian Palmer telling me that Professor ‘Garth Cruickshank’ had been made aware of my situation and arranged to have me delivered to his operating theatre…in the UK to remove the tumour from my brain.

I know that who we touch are touched indeed, and I will never be able to express my heartfelt thanks for all the love and light I received, from all of you who text me, sent me cards, made calls to me or passed on their support and best wishes that ultimately brought me back home, safe!

I have the best chance of rebuilding my life now and will always have one eye on the lookout for those strange lights! But knowing that love is the key and I wouldn’t be here without it… It is with the deepest thanks I can express that I will hopefully be back to my old self and be returned to full heath with the ongoing treatment I am to receive.

The Charlatans will continue to appear on stage and will be able to continue the promotion of the latest studio recording Who We Touch...

Jon Brookes 30/9/10

See the blog on the Charlatans' website.

Related articles:

The Charlatans Announce Temporary Replacement for Brookes

Charlatans' Drummer to be Treated for Brain Tumour

The Charlatans Cancel Tour

Charlatans Drummer Collapses On Stage

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