Bah Humbug: The worst Christmas songs of all time

It's Christmas. A time for twinkling lights, festive cheer, and... some truly awful music. While the holiday season is beloved by many, there’s no denying that the endless loop of festive tunes can push even the jolliest among us to the edge. With all the clichés about snow (which most of us haven’t seen on Christmas Day in years), forced cheer, saccharine lyrics, and the odd tendency for people to try to make Christmas sexy, it’s no wonder some Christmas songs leave us cringing.

If you enjoy poking fun at cheesy holiday tracks or want a good laugh at the sheer absurdity of some bad Christmas songs, you’re in the right place. Here, we’ve rounded up the worst Christmas songs of all time for your entertainment—or torture. Don’t say we didn’t warn you!

 

 

Christmas Time (Don't Let the Bells End) - The Darkness

If ear-piercing falsettos are your thing, you might love this track. For the rest of us, however, it’s a painful listen. Frontman Justin Hawkins proudly boasted about sneaking a cheeky pun into the title, but that’s where the amusement ends. Combine that with over-the-top theatrics, and you’ve got a holiday anthem that’s truly grating.

 

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(I'd Like To) Give You One 4 Christmas - Hot Pantz

The title alone is a major red flag, and the artist’s name doesn’t exactly inspire confidence either. Add in a dated music video that feels like a school project gone wrong, and you’ve got one of the most cringeworthy Christmas songs ever.

 

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Jingle Bells (Bass) - Basshunter

Honestly, we’re speechless. 

 

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Do They Know It's Christmas? - Band Aid

The only good thing about this song is that it raised money for charity. Overplayed and filled with questionable lyrics like "Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you," it’s hard to listen without cringing, and the moral grandstanding has not aged well at all. We think it’s time to leave this one in the past, except when poking fun at it of course.

 

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Anything - Kelly Clarkson

Kelly Clarkson’s powerful voice is undeniable, but when it comes to Christmas songs, less is more. Her overly dramatic renditions, especially of carols like Silent Night, feel overdone and unnecessary. Lets hope she leaves the Christmas albums under the tree in the future. 

 

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Santa’s Coming for Us - Sia

The repetitive “oh, oh, oh, oh” in this track is enough to drive anyone mad, especially if you’ve worked retail or hospitality during the holidays. It’s the kind of song that burrows into your brain in the worst way possible.

 

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Christmas Lights - Coldplay

We aren’t the biggest Coldplay fans, but why is Chris Martin always on the floor in music videos? Cheese, cheese, more cheese, and a bit depressing for the most 'wonderful' time of the year, get it in the bin with the ripped wrapping paper. 

 

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Christmas Tree - Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga has delivered countless iconic moments, but this bizarre Christmas tune isn’t one of them. It’s got all the air of a cash-in at the peak of her popularity. Annoyingly, it does have a bit of a 'so bad it's good', B-Movie-esque energy to it. But even so, it still more than deserves its spot on this list.

 

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White Christmas - Iggy Pop

Iggy Pop’s deep, unsettling baritone paired with this holiday classic is a strange combination. Whilst it's deffo a piss take, it just isn't that funny, and we think Iggy is best when staying away from the commercialisation of the holidays and sticking to being punk. 

 

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Funky, Funky, Xmas - New Kids On The Block

Like many on this list, the YouTube comments are turned off. And we’ve got a pretty good idea why: zero musicality was detected here.  

 

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Santa Baby - Pussycat Dolls (ft Carmit, Jessica & Ashley)

The original Santa Baby is flirty, but this version from The Pussycat Dolls turns it into something uncomfortably over-the-top. The forced giggles and sultry vocals feel entirely unnecessary for a Christmas tune. Whoever decided we needed to make Christmas sexy needs shooting. 

 

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I Never Knew The Meaning Of Christmas - NSYNC

Aimed squarely at their pre-teen fanbase of the time, this track is nauseatingly sweet, even for a boyband. It made us cringe so hard that we nearly pulled a muscle, and the lyric “I never knew the meaning of Christmas / 'Til I looked into your eyes” is just… wow. 

 

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Dominick The Donkey - Lou Monte

We could write something for this one but just listen to it yourself. If you hate your ears. 

 

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Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer - Elmo & Patsy

Nothing screams Christmas like your Grandma getting hammered, stumbling outside, and falling victim to hit-and-run by reindeer. There are some truly horrendous lyrics in this one, like, “At the scene of the attack / She had hoof-prints on her forehead / And incriminating Claus marks on her back”, if we had a time machine, we’d destroy this before it was ever released.

 

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Happy Christmas (War Is Over) - Maroon 5

One simple question... why? John Lennon will be spinning in his grave. Even if Maroon 5 managed to pen a half-decent Christmas song, it’d be ruined by Adam Levine's vocals which, quite frankly, make your eardrums feel like they’re being attacked by a cheese grater. So to do such a disservice to a classic is unforgivable. 

 

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Have A Cheeky Christmas - The Cheeky Girls

This might be a little less offensive if they tried writing lyrics that didn’t make you want to headbutt the nearest wall. “Getting sexy in the snow”, and “If you've been a really good boy / I will be your special dish” make us want to rinse out our ears and take a long shower. 

 

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I Wish It Could Be A Wombling Merry Christmas Everyday - The Wombles with Roy Wood

This chaotic collaboration feels like a fever dream. The clashing styles and nonsensical chorus make it one of the strangest Christmas songs ever recorded. Literally who gave this the green light? and what excuse does Roy Wood have?  

 

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All I Want For Christmas Is You (SuperFestive!) - Justin Bieber with Mariah Carey

The original All I Want For Christmas Is You is a staple, but we unfortunately stumbled across this unnecessary monstrosity. There's nothing that screams cash-grab than sticking Bieber on you're already wildly successful track. But someone should've stopped Mariah and just asked the simple question, why? But, hey, at least it’s “SuperFestive!”

 

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Oh Holy Night - Christina Aguilera

And we have yet another singer who oversings. No one would ever argue that Christina has a bad voice but give it a rest, love. She took a simple carol and crammed an extra 50 notes in there for no reason. A warbling mess, it’s high time singers learned to chill out and sing songs properly. And don’t even get us started on that spoken word bit. 

 

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Baby, It’s Cold Outside - Seth MacFarlane and Sara Bareilles

In a word: creepy. She wants to go home, mate, let her go. It's already a controversial track, but when Seth MacFarlane singing it, and all you can hear is Brian Griffin, then it's impossible to take seriously. And even if you could, it's just bad. Bonus “bad points” for that mad, overly Photoshopped single cover. 

 

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Christmas in Blobbyland - Mr Blobby

It's Mr Blobby... Singing a song named 'Christmas in Blobbyland'... Need we say anymore?

 

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