Bah Humbug: The worst Christmas songs of all time

Whether you love or hate Christmas songs, there have been some truly woeful attempts at them over the years. Here are the worst.

Skiddle Staff

Date published: 22nd Nov 2022

Ah, Christmas. It’s one of the most loved holidays, but many of us don’t think it’s all it’s cracked up to be. For one, it gets a bit cheesy. Especially with all these Christmas tunes about cheer, snow (which many of us haven’t had on Christmas Day in god knows how long), and countless other boring clichés.

If you don’t like Christmas, or just like poking fun at the many awful Christmas songs that we’ve been tortured with over the years, you’re in the right place. We found the worst Christmas songs of all time and put them all in one place so you can have a good old belly laugh, cringe, or even shed a tear over them. Seriously though, some are actually that bad.

Don’t say we didn’t warn you!

Christmas Time (Don't Let the Bells End) - The Darkness

If you love falsetto screeching, you’ll probably love this one. But the majority of us don’t. Vocalist Hawkins said of it, “we managed to get bell end into a Christmas song without it getting banned! (And ring piece!)”. Do with that information what you will.

(I'd Like To) Give You One 4 Christmas - Hot Pantz

You can tell this one’s going to be awful by the title and artist name alone. And the dated music video that looks like it was made by a lazy GCSE graphic design student over a decade ago makes it ten times worse.

Jingle Bells (Bass) - Basshunter

Honestly, we’re speechless.

Do They Know It's Christmas? - Band Aid

The only good thing about this song is that it raised money for charity. But from a musical standpoint, it’s awful. And overplayed. Written to raise money for famine relief, the lyrics “Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you” are questionable, to say the least.

It’s been remade a few times, and those were shabby attempts too. We think it’s time to leave this one in the past. Except when poking fun at it, obviously.

Last Christmas - Wham!

George Michael - what a hero. He had an incredible career, but Last Christmas was one of his low points. Overplayed and cheesy, we’ve had enough.

“Anything by Kelly Clarkson”

Kelly Clarkson has released two Christmas albums, which we reckon is two too many. She obviously has a brilliant voice but, as many singers often do, she over sang on this one. Silent Night doesn’t need to be belted at the top of your lungs, Kelly.

Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney

So eloquently put by a member of the Skiddle team, “that Paul McCartney one purely because of the lyrics. If the children practised all year long, why are they still sh*t?”

Santa’s Coming for Us - Sia

If you work(ed) in hospitality, chances are this one drives you up the walls. The “oh, oh, oh, oh” bit alone is enough to make you wonder what on Earth we did to deserve this.

Christmas Lights - Coldplay

We aren’t the biggest Coldplay fans, but why is Chris Martin always on the floor in music videos? Cheese, cheese, more cheese, and a bit depressing, get it in the bin.

Christmas Tree - Lady Gaga

A true pop queen, we have no idea what planet Lady Gaga was on when she decided to release this. A part of us thinks it’s a joke though, but even if it is, why?

White Christmas - Iggy Pop

Now this one was definitely a p*ss take. Still, it’s eerie and uneasy, and his deep baritone voice makes our skin crawl.

Funky, Funky, Xmas - New Kids On The Block

Like many on this list, the YouTube comments are turned off. And we’ve got a pretty good idea why: zero musicality was detected here.

Santa Baby - The Pussycat Dolls (ft Carmit, Jessica & Ashley)

Maybe we’re being boring, but there’s little to no need to attempt to make Christmas sexy. After just a few seconds, we’re left queasy by the half-moaned vocals and that half-arsed attempt at a sexy giggle at 0:25.

I Never Knew The Meaning Of Christmas - *NSYNC

Clearly pandering to pre-teens at the time, this made us cringe so hard we nearly pulled a muscle. “I never knew the meaning of Christmas / 'Til I looked into your eyes” is just… wow.

Dominick The Donkey - Lou Monte

We could write something for this one but just listen to it yourself. If you hate your ears.

Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer - Elmo & Patsy

Nothing screams Christmas like your grandma getting hammered, stumbling outside, and falling victim to a hit and run perpetrated by a reindeer. Featuring horrendous lyrics like, “At the scene of the attack / She had hoof-prints on her forehead / And incriminating Claus marks on her back”, if we had a time machine, we’d destroy this song before it was released.

Happy Christmas (War Is Over) - Maroon 5

One simple question: why bother? John Lennon did a perfectly fine job the first time around, so why cover it? Even if Maroon 5 managed to pen a half-decent Christmas song, it’d be ruined by Adam Levine's vocals which, quite frankly, make your eardrums feel like they’re being attacked by a cheese grater.

Merry Christmas Everybody - Slade

Is this actually a bad Christmas song? Not really. But god, we’re sick of hearing it. Overplayed, next!

Have A Cheeky Christmas - The Cheeky Girls

This might be a little less offensive if they actually tried writing lyrics that didn’t make you want to headbutt the nearest wall. “Getting sexy in the snow”, and “If you've been a really good boy / I will be your special dish” - please try harder next time. Actually, scratch that, we really don’t need another one of whatever this is.

I Wish It Could Be A Wombling Merry Christmas Everyday - The Wombles with Roy Wood

Not to be dramatic but literally what is going on here? Who approved that chorus? It sounds like a child tried to parody the original with horrible results. We could forgive a child, though, because, well, they’re a child. What excuse does Roy Wood have?

All I Want For Christmas Is You (SuperFestive!) - Justin Bieber with Mariah Carey

We nearly put All I Want For Christmas Is You on here, but we stumbled across this monstrosity on the way. We’re all sick of the original, so who thought it’d be a good idea to whack Justin Bieber on it? But, hey, at least it’s “SuperFestive!”

Oh Holy Night - Christina Aguilera

And we have yet another singer who over sings. No one would ever argue that Christina has a bad voice but give it a rest, love. She took a simple carol and crammed an extra 50 notes in there for no reason. A warbling mess, it’s high time singers learned to chill out and sing songs properly. And don’t even get us started on that spoken word bit.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside - Seth MacFarlane and Sara Bareilles

In a word: creepy. She wants to go home, mate, let her go. In case you didn’t know, Seth MacFarlane is the creator of Family Guy and provides the voices for a few characters in it. We can’t hear this and picture a human when Brian Griffin sounds the exact same. Bonus “bad points” for that mad, overly Photoshopped single cover.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas - Michael Bublé

For mums, you can’t beat a bit of Bublé. But to everyone else, there's a certain smugness to his voice. He’s pretty, and the mums love him, and boy does he know it! It’s not the worst of the worst, but we’re bored of it.

Christmas in Blobbyland - Mr Blobby

Few sights are more terrifying than this tragic attempt at a children's character. Look deep into Mr Blobby’s face and tell us he isn’t the stuff of nightmares. You can’t. Because he is. Why they felt the need to give him a Christmas song is beyond us.

The Little Drummer Boy - Ashlee Simpson & Jessica Simpson

We’ve saved the best worst Christmas song until last. There’s so much to unpack here. Why this song? Why are they singing it like a passionate love song? And why do they sing the “pa rum pum pum pum”s like that? Furthermore, what is that zoom on the baby picture at 1:08?

At this point, we actually love this one. It’s genuinely hilarious. We’ll probably be playing this video at Christmas to lighten the mood after someone gets too drunk and starts an argument.

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